The atmosphere around the offices of Shrapnel Games has *ummm* changed now that Sarge is back full time. So much so that our office manager circulated a memo to the staff last week. Thought I’d share it with you.

“Dear Employees:
It has been brought to management’s attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their co-workers.

Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated. We do however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with co-workers.

Therefore, a list of 18 New and Innovative “Try Saying” phrases have been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner.

1) TRY SAYING: I think you could use more training.
INSTEAD OF: You don’t know what the f___ you’re doing.

2) TRY SAYING: She’s an aggressive go-getter.
INSTEAD OF: She’s a ball-busting b__ch.

3) TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late.
INSTEAD OF: And when the f___ do you expect me to do this?

4) TRY SAYING: I’m certain that isn’t feasible
INSTEAD OF: No f___way!!!

5) TRY SAYING: Really?
INSTEAD OF: You’ve got to be sh__ing me!

6) TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with…
INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a sh__.

7) TRY SAYING: I wasn’t involved in the project.
INSTEAD OF: It’s not my f______ problem.

8) TRY SAYING: That’s interesting.
INSTEAD OF: What the f___?

9) TRY SAYING: I’m not sure this can be implemented.
INSTEAD OF: This sh__ won’t work.

10) TRY SAYING: I’ll try to schedule that.
INSTEAD OF: Why the f____ didn’t you tell me sooner?

11) TRY SAYING: He’s not familiar with the issues.
INSTEAD OF: He’s got his head up his a__.

12) TRY SAYING: Excuse me, sir?
INSTEAD OF: Eat sh__ and die.

13) TRY SAYING: So you weren’t happy with it?
INSTEAD OF: Kiss my a__.

14) TRY SAYING: I’m a bit overloaded at the moment.
INSTEAD OF: F___ it, I’m on salary.

15) TRY SAYING: I don’t think you understand.
INSTEAD OF: Shove it up your a__.

16) TRY SAYING: I love a challenge.
INSTEAD OF: This job sucks.

17) TRY SAYING: You want me to take care of that?
INSTEAD OF: Who the h___ died and made you boss?

18 ) TRY SAYING: He’s somewhat insensitive.
INSTEAD OF: He’s a pr_ck.”

It will be quite interesting to see if these suggestions are taken seriously. I can’t imagine some (okay one in particular) of my co-workers calling “Delayed Again” Brooks “somewhat insensitive” in place of the usual phrase!

Happy Monday!

Hi soldiers. Sorry to have been gone so long. It wasn’t by choice, I assure you. Seems that I said many things that pissed off the powers that be at Shrapnel Games. Mainly I upset Mr. Brooks, or as I like to call him “Delayed Again” Brooks. I learned a lesson there - let me tell you! When it comes to what “Delayed Again” wants, well you best just give it to him. Sort of like a dictatorship.

I really don’t even know where to begin this narrative. Was just told yesterday that I needed to get a blog up. I guess we could start with that. Blog, what a stupid arsed (is stupid-arsed hyphenated?) name for anything. It almost sounds like something the Army would come up with. (I would insert a smiley face right here, but I hate those damn things.)

I know. Lets talk about my favorite subject… Me. And what I’ve been doing for the last 16 months. I have had three tasks assigned to me and I’ve been humping it to keep up with all three.

The first task was to help “Delayed Again” with the missions to 82nd. We both have been putting in late night hours to make sure that these are right. So far, we have four of the nine missions totally completed, and are way far along on the other five. Well that is not exactly true, the ninth is just starting, but the others are where we need them to be. The first mission that will enter beta testing will be the one we use for the demo. And that is the one we are playing with now. I would give you more info if it was up to me, but “Delayed Again” wants to save it all for the promotional push, which I grudgingly agree is not a bad idea.

The second task to which I have been assigned is helping Mr. Arnesen with whatever he needs me to do. Lately this has been mainly helping keep everything straight with his on-going talks with new developers. We have some exciting products coming in 2005, the only one I can mention right now, is Salvo!, but there are others, including an MMP, an RPG, and about 3 new wargames, which makes me quite happy – well hell, as happy as I ever get anyway. As an aside, I should mention what a great guy Richard Arnesen is. He is a joy to work with, and I have secretly lobbied to get him out of his VP position and into the President’s office. (Do you think “Delayed Again” will read this? If so, you may not see another post here from me).

The third task on which I’ve been working is planning the future of Shrapnel Games. As all of you are aware, this industry has seen major changes over the past several years. You just have to look at the shelf space for PC games at your local retailer to know this. I am tasked with keeping an eye on the changes in the industry and to help the powers that be to come up with a plan to keep Shrapnel Games growing. No easy task with the economy and the industry changes we have seen. Yea, the Alternative Publishers are feeling the effects of all this too, in fact probably more so. So, if you want to see companies like Shrapnel Games (and there are others) stay viable and in business, be sure to talk them up whenever you get a chance. There is nothing like fan promotion – its impact is much more dramatic than any advertising a company can do.

Well, I guess I’ll sign off for now. There is only so much of this I can take before I’ll barf up my lunch. If I’m still allowed to post to the blog, blog – that cracks me up - after “Delayed Again” reads this, I’ll see you here in a few.

– Sarge