Shrapnel Games Blog

Tonight a friend of mine had asked what I thought about the upcoming Cthulhu movie that J.J. Abrams was doing. My response was a resounding, “Whatcha talkin’ ‘bout, Willis?” The guy who did Alias is doing Cthulhu? Really?

Having not seen Transformers I did not see the trailer for Abrams’ upcoming flick, Cloverfield/1-18-08/Parasite, and apparently have fallen behind on keeping up with the latest Intertubes kewlness. So we found the trailer and checked it out. General thoughts about it:

1. Looks cool. I like the “you are there” feel to it. One thing I always hate about horror movies is they use so many tricks (e.g. building music during a scene of supposed tension) that you never really feel the horror because you’re far too self-aware it’s a movie. Blair Witch Project, while it loses everything on repeat viewings, was awesome the first time because of this.

2. Okay, it works. You got me wanting to see the movie. When you think about it, how many trailers actually do that for you?

3. What the heck does it have to do with Cthulhu?

That’s when I’m told he got that from several forums, like AICN. AICN, well, that makes sense. If you have not delved the stygian depths that comprise the AICN forums, let me put it to you this way: take the worst forum you can think of populated by gamers, and multiply the idiocy factor by a thousand. Yes, be afraid. Very afraid.

So I make my sanity check and start browsing the forums. Yes, Cthulhu pops up quite frequently, and you even have the ubiquitous Wikipedia links. Joy. From the postings it seems fairly obvious that most folks have very little knowledge of the works of HPL, and many have possibly kept the belt on a little too long when performing autoasphyxiation.

Okay, here’s why I don’t think it has anything at all to do with Cthulhu and yes, I’m just another yahoo on the Internet spouting off stuff, but hopefully you will find logic in what I say…

1. First of all, Cthulhu is still pretty much geek territory, extending somewhat into the literary world, but even then you’re talking the fringe. Sure, it’s been touched on before in “major” releases (if you define films like Mouth of Madness as major…Hellboy probably fits better) but overall Cthulhu is still confined to the indie film circle and Stuart Gordon. I just don’t see J.J. Abrams as doing Cthulhu.

2. The idea of Cthulhu as a giant, rampaging monster is just so silly. This is an alien creature, vastly superior to mankind, whose dreams can send men into insanity. He’s not going to climb to the top of the Empire state building with some chick in his claws. It’s just stupid. If he was freed the world would fall from the madness that would sweep over the globe. Considering the means of destruction we have at the moment, that basically means man destroying man, not man in suit destroying man.

3. Cthulhu is trapped in the Pacific. The film takes place in New York City. Let’s say that number two turns out to be true and he does go rampaging. Why would he be attacking NYC? Does he cross the Pacific, and then like Forrest Gump, run across America? Maybe he went through the Panama canal? Or did he travel across the Indian ocean, and then into the Atlantic? It makes absolutely no sense, and for this reason alone the idea of Cthulhu should be discounted.

Ultimately who knows what’s going on…is it a giant monster, aliens, or Rosie O’Donnell attacking the city? Not knowing the geography of the city too well, what exactly would be big enough to create the explosion? We can only hope it’s the United Nations building getting whacked.

I also thought it was amusing that some of the folks thinking it must be Cthulhu reference the guy shouting, “It’s alive!” because, you know, the general man on the street is well aware that Great Cthulhu is dead but dreaming.

That’s also an interesting statement in itself. “It’s alive!” Why would someone say that unless whatever it is would normally not be alive? Since we see the Statue of Liberty head come flying I’m guessing it’s not a redux of Ghostbusters 2.

I will say that some folks did bring up some Biblical references dealing with Revelations, and the “It’s alive!” could be heard as “It’s a lion!”, which is actually what I heard. Saying “It’s a lion! and “It’s huge!” actually makes somewhat more sense. Isn’t the Beast, which rises out of the sea to destroy Babylon, lion-headed? That could make for a cool movie. Maybe they’re onto something.

Whatever it turns out to be (and as much as I like Cthulhu I really hope it’s not…) I will have to say that the marketing is doing its job. Doesn’t hurt it has the whole ARG angle. ARGs just seem to suck people in, yet strangely, tabletop RPG sales have been steadily going down. When will people learn that ultimately a gamer beats in all our hearts?

Ah well, it’s like 4:30 in the morning, time to crash…